A week of transition, questions, tears, and answers

Lent Began on Wed., it seems to be a time of year, that I understand. It's a time of waiting and trying to connect and be closer to God, that's how I feel. I focus on reading things about what Jesus went through, as He suffered and died on a cross for us. I was thinking about that a lot this week. As, I went through testing this week, I thought about the physical pain, Jesus must have felt. I had something for pain relief, so I only experienced slight discomfort. Jesus didn't. I had support from Ralph, holding my hand and making me laugh, and the Dr. and nurses were supportive. Jesus didn't- He had soldiers laughing at him and gambling for his clothing, ignoring his pain. Humanly, that must have hurt.
The day of my second procedure on Monday, I was not only dealing with that, but thinking about the day, we would have experienced the joy of our 3rd child, Patience. That will never happen, this side of Heaven. So, that was difficult as well. After the discussion with the Dr. on Monday, not know which way to turn, regarding my fibroid and would surgery be an option, I felt so blocked, from a direction. It felt like a door had been slammed in my face. That night, about 3 a.m. I woke up crying and was very upset.
I made it through the day at school on Tuesday, then, had a day at home on Wednesday. I spent 1/2 of Wednesday at church, praying at the House of Prayer, a center for prayer, during the week that Lent begins. It has a labyrinth to walk, and other activities and locations to read scripture, talk to God, pray, and listen for Him to speak to us. Well, I spent time writing a poem, reading scripture, praying, crying, and listening. Also, I spoke and prayed with one of our pastors, who helped me to feel supported,loved, and ready to move on with my day and week ahead.
So, Thursday, I had school, and called the Dr. I was quite frustrated when I was told the Dr., specialist, wanted to see me again, on Friday, missing another day at school. Wow, not what I wanted. When I did go, bloodwork helped answer some questions. Also, I was able to talk to the doctor further and get more direction about recovery time, the discussion she had with my GYN and how the fibroid surgery would be done, as well as, the my "blood doctors" would be on board, about heprin and not against the surgery being done, if that's what I wanted, or needed to carry another pregnancy to term.
So, it's been quite a week, full of sadness, full of tears, full of roadblocks, full of some answers, still with many questions. I feel like God is still leading and directing us through it all! Even, when I'm screaming and shouting, "No!" all at the same time, once when the phone call told me to come on Thurs. and twice when the MAC ate my card, right before I needed it to go shopping after my appointment on Friday, but God worked that out too.
Enough musings for one day, thanks for your thoughts and prayers on our behalf.

Decisions, Questions, and Lots of Prayer Needed

Today's appointment went well, due to the prayers of many others.
Ralph kept me laughing in the car and while we waited for the doctor and for our
appointment and procedure. The procedure, due to the local anesthetic, was way better than expected. So, I really appreciated holding Ralph's hand and the prayers sent to Heaven on our behalf, which made me relaxed and things went so smoothly.

We have a lot of questions to think about, when we are given all the info. from our tests, March 8th. The biggest one, is my fibroid. Is it a problem and is it safer to remove it or keep it? Lots of concerns, me donating my own blood before surgery, if it were to occur. So, we truly are in need of the prayers of others, as we await, this decision-making process.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers on our behalf. They have been felt. :-)

The Process I've been going through

Today as I read a friend's blog, I commented how beautiful and serene the picture was. I commented about all the snow we see here, enough to almost cover our heads. Chantel at least was able to make a fort out of it. She can tunnel inside. It's so cool, Ralph helped her. I never experienced that with my parents help. Ralph is such a wonderful father! :-)

I reflected on both as I wrote my friend and as I was at the Dr.'s office today, talking with my GYN. Not in the exactly same words, but in my mind, that God has led me to this specialist and directed me, by a friend, who knew someone who went to the specialist, when she was at another practice, and now has had a successful pregnancy, recently, I found out it was the same doctor. Also, a friend from church, a nurse, who works for a doctor that had a meeting with my specialist I see, and spoke with her on my behalf, and she recommended, me seeing her. Finally, my GYN recommended her as well. So, it seems like God was at work, in sending me to see her.

I feel like watching the Specialist go through the testing and exams also, is showing me God's direction and hand in my life, leading and guiding us to the answers we need, for future children. There are still some questions, but yet, I seem to have received so many answers. That is such a relief from the stress, I've experienced, being the type of person, who doesn't like to have more questions than answers, and understand and have clear direction in my life. Things seem much clearer, than they've been in a while. So, that's great news!

Keep the prayers coming, especially for the biopsy and scope procedure on Monday, that sounds like the most uncomfortable of the two, one down and one to go. So, thanks for your prayers on my behalf, and Ralph's as we go through this process and experience together. :-)

Testing, my week ahead and Chantel's Humor

My week ahead will be a week of testing.

First, I called the doctor's on Friday, regarding my schedule of my cycle.
They scheduled me for an appointment Monday at 9 a.m., Bloodwork and an Ultrasound. Wow! Here we go, 2 weeks sooner than I expected. This week seems to be a good week for it, except, with losing some sub days. Maybe last week, I was resting up, with the days off, so that I would feel ready for this week and the demands on my body and emotions. Then, Sat. is the Women's Prayer Retreat. Chantel is off on Fri. and Mon. and Ralph is off Monday, too, with some things scheduled with my doctor as well. Maybe all these things will work together and I will miss less school days. We will see.

Please keep praying for me. The two tests and some medication that I need to take, no major pain afterward, the doctor will find the info. she needs to make the right decisions on our behalf. One of those concerns is a 6 cm. fibroid. So, thanks for your thoughts encouragement and prayers. Also, Ralph will need to transport me home from two of the procedures which adds stress to his work schedule and the sitter, seems okay with extra help, in dropping her off, to our house, due to the bus schedule. Still waiting for bloodwork results on my chromosome study. Praying for things to show honestly, no false results.

Now, for Chantel's Humor-

In the interim. Chantel has come up with a funny joke. "Why did the spider jump out the window? He wanted to fly!" I thought it was hilarious, especially for a first grader! She can be quite funny. :-) She loves Humor.

Enjoy the snow, and the week ahead. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers on our behalf. :-)

More to think about

This week has been a lot of phone calls, waiting for sub days, etc.
First, I think I finished my phone calls for the week. Relief. Lots of appointments to set up, etc. Next, I was able to get Chantel's room organized with her help, yesterday, with the 2 hour delay. That was great.

Yes, and I received results from almost all my bloodwork and the levels look wonderful so far. So, not concerns yet. That includes, Clotting issues, Rubella- exposure, Glucose and sugar levels- normal, thyroid and liver, normal. Just waiting for the Chromosome results for Ralph and I. He needs to have his bloodwork for Chromosome, disease checks, etc.

Still waiting for my levels- HCG to go down from 11-5. Bad news, but good news, I'm almost there! Now on to the other tests, as soon as my cycle resumes. Busy, busy, resting my knee when I can. It's still sensitive and I don't know what I did to it.
Carpooling, subbing and time spent at home. My life right now, maybe I will be ready for some time out, in the next two weeks on, that's my plan. :-)

Have a good week, and thanks for your prayers.

Processing it all

This week, I am processing so much. The bloodwork I am waiting to hear back from, for all the new tests, to see how ready my body is for future pregnancy, and to see what it will take to get Ralph and I ready. That's not even the emotions we've felt, just the physical part of it all.
I've actually gone to my first regular school class, to teach, not for a special teacher, that sees students for a few minutes at a time and moves on. So, it felt good to be in charge of one group of students for the day, somewhat normal. I was even observed by the school's principal and the class was working quietly. So, it felt good.
Also, I'm still getting blood drawn and awaiting continued results from my HCG, levels. That's the hormone in pregnancy that elevates in a major way to show that things are progressing normally. Well my level dropped from 8,000 or more near the end of December, to 72, on 1/26/10. Today, I had to take another test to see if it has gone down to the number 5, which is considered, normal or negative- meaning I'm not pregnant. The hard part about the continued bloodwork, is answering the questions from the Gyn nurses, everytime they call. I always think they expect me to be surprised. It causes me to explain myself, which reopens the wound and the pain, over, and over again.
Currently, I'm waiting for my body's cycle to return to normal. That will mean a week of testing to see certain things, concerning how my body, internally is working. I will have my fibroid checked through this procedure, best I understand. It has grown since my pregnancy ultrasound on January 4th, of 5 cm., to Jan. 26th, ultrasound of 6 cm., so it is a concern. I was told, it could compete with the blood supply of my body, that the baby should be getting. So, it may need to be removed.
Things that make me feel more confident. I'm currently taking more folic acid, 3 mg, more per day, totaling 4-4.2 mg. I will be suggested to take Heprin from day one of my pregnancy, that was on my concern list. Clotting levels are being checked, there were more tests out there. Yes, I knew there had to have been. The fibroid concern, etc. These things which I discussed with the endocrinologist, made me feel heard, and understand, and cared for. All the things I need to feel right now. Loved and prayed for have been covered, thanks to you, all my friends!