Lent Began on Wed., it seems to be a time of year, that I understand. It's a time of waiting and trying to connect and be closer to God, that's how I feel. I focus on reading things about what Jesus went through, as He suffered and died on a cross for us. I was thinking about that a lot this week. As, I went through testing this week, I thought about the physical pain, Jesus must have felt. I had something for pain relief, so I only experienced slight discomfort. Jesus didn't. I had support from Ralph, holding my hand and making me laugh, and the Dr. and nurses were supportive. Jesus didn't- He had soldiers laughing at him and gambling for his clothing, ignoring his pain. Humanly, that must have hurt.
The day of my second procedure on Monday, I was not only dealing with that, but thinking about the day, we would have experienced the joy of our 3rd child, Patience. That will never happen, this side of Heaven. So, that was difficult as well. After the discussion with the Dr. on Monday, not know which way to turn, regarding my fibroid and would surgery be an option, I felt so blocked, from a direction. It felt like a door had been slammed in my face. That night, about 3 a.m. I woke up crying and was very upset.
I made it through the day at school on Tuesday, then, had a day at home on Wednesday. I spent 1/2 of Wednesday at church, praying at the House of Prayer, a center for prayer, during the week that Lent begins. It has a labyrinth to walk, and other activities and locations to read scripture, talk to God, pray, and listen for Him to speak to us. Well, I spent time writing a poem, reading scripture, praying, crying, and listening. Also, I spoke and prayed with one of our pastors, who helped me to feel supported,loved, and ready to move on with my day and week ahead.
So, Thursday, I had school, and called the Dr. I was quite frustrated when I was told the Dr., specialist, wanted to see me again, on Friday, missing another day at school. Wow, not what I wanted. When I did go, bloodwork helped answer some questions. Also, I was able to talk to the doctor further and get more direction about recovery time, the discussion she had with my GYN and how the fibroid surgery would be done, as well as, the my "blood doctors" would be on board, about heprin and not against the surgery being done, if that's what I wanted, or needed to carry another pregnancy to term.
So, it's been quite a week, full of sadness, full of tears, full of roadblocks, full of some answers, still with many questions. I feel like God is still leading and directing us through it all! Even, when I'm screaming and shouting, "No!" all at the same time, once when the phone call told me to come on Thurs. and twice when the MAC ate my card, right before I needed it to go shopping after my appointment on Friday, but God worked that out too.
Enough musings for one day, thanks for your thoughts and prayers on our behalf.
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